Today marks the 26th day that I’ve been gluten-free and massively reduced my sugar intake. I’ve never felt SO focused in my entire life. I’ve lost five pounds, but surprisingly - tonight when I went to buy a few new tops, I was fitting into items two sizes smaller… which to me was crazy, because the scale just says five pounds. Eh. In any event, I’m pretty impressed with myself and enjoying the positive effects these changes have had on me. The video, a random you-tube video which has The Never Ending Story’s Bastion, Falcor and the imagination killing wolf all displaying my emotions, for real the video above depicts how I’ve felt these past few weeks. (Totally serious)
There was a period of time that I was convinced that I was supposed to be a comedian. In that time frame some interesting events unfolded. I was overheard by a talent scout who believed I would be good at stand up, so he asked me to come to the club that he worked at and do their improvisations show. I was asked to audition for a local studio by the woman who ran the theater. I went to a few auditions and was greeted with excited/supportive people. Each time I freaked out and took off without allowing myself to try. I met and worked with someone who was in the midst of developing a television show, because she was a best-selling author. I didn’t do anything, because I was afraid of the opportunities, but the offers arrived.
There was a period of time that I wanted to be a published writer. I wrote to an author whom I felt would understand me and serve as a mentor. She wrote me back, we became friends, we emailed often, and she offered to edit my book. This then happened with another best-selling author and a third best-selling well-known author. I was being told that I was a natural, that I had nothing to lose, that I was destined to be published and to listen to what they were telling me. I didn’t listen, but they still check in and ask what I’m doing (or not doing).
I wanted to see a therapist that understood me and could get to the core of my issues without focusing on my past. I had exhausted myself and lost my hopes after years of searching. Then a pushy professor set me up and introduced me to the therapist who helped me kick my broken-heart and leave Phoenix to attend college. This happened again a year later with a different professor and another college therapist. After I graduated I was devastated that I wouldn’t be able to continue my work with my therapist, who had helped me push through difficult themes that had stuck to me. I asked the universe for his availability and for options and found through an accidental twist of fate, that he had opened a private practice, where I could continue seeing him and do.
My close friends are mostly married with children. They watch reality TV and ask that I show up to root for their kid’s sporting competitions. I feel guilty saying no, because I’d rather spend my time alone. I want to relate to people. I want to share my love of film, music, books and art. I want someone to know who Audrey Kawasaki is. I want to reference David Sedaris and get an appreciative laugh. I want friends to attend the Electric Daisy Festival with. It’s not childish to watch silly you-tube videos or play Apples to Apples. I want like-minded people that are just as excited about these things as I am. A cool dude surfaced out of no-where and has brought me into his world. Tonight I realized that I was getting exactly what I wanted. Tonight with new friends we talked about our favorite libraries, different art exhibits and discussed our favorite comedic writers. I thought my mouth was hurting from the dentist earlier, but I realized it was because I was smiling so big.
I used to think the universe was so magical that it brought whatever I wished to me. Maybe it wasn’t exactly what I asked for, but it was close enough. What I’ve realized though, is that it’s not completely true. Whatever you want, most of the time you will get it, you will find it, because if you position yourself, your thoughts, your energy, regardless if you are really pursuing something or not, it manifests (I know, this is said all the time, but I’m seeing it in my life) and what are you subconsciously doing that aligns those thoughts to run interference with players that become key roles in the shifting of your world? That’s amazing to think about…
I wish more girls today had role models like this. I loved Rudy when I was little!
I’ve been gluten-free for a whole ten days. That week and half is nothing in comparison to the rest of my life, but it’s a start… I’m fortunate that I have a super supportive sister. My sister who has been gluten-free for the last four years. Since she has Celiac’s Disease, I already knew what I could and couldn’t eat/where I can eat and so on. For that reason, the transition into the lifestyle hasn’t been too difficult. My biggest complaint is that I won’t get to enjoy a Blimpie’s Turkey Sub, but… that seems like a petty thing to worry about. On a positive note, I feel very awake. It may sound silly, but I feel very sharp. I’ve noticed that I’m having an easier time concentrating and I don’t feel foggy. The fact that I don’t feel like I’m on auto-pilot is the most amazing change. I’m going to be posting more on this in the future in hopes of meeting/connecting with more GF peeps.
Dear Universe, tell me that I’m going to win the walk on role for Portlandia. That’s all I want… I also want an anthropologist to discover an exotic fruit that takes exactly like soda, but without all the negative side effects. Mostly though, I want to win the walk on role for Portlandia. That is all. - me
Why? Of all the songs to be obsessed with, is it this? I. Love. This. Song.
To celebrate my victories this week, I’m having a full blow Saturday Morning Eighties Dance Party. I’m sure I look quite lovely in my current get-up. My boyfriend tee, yoga shorts and awesome grey dance leg warmers (WITH elastic straps to fit snug on one’s foot). What are my victories this week, you ask? I will tell you. Work? Awesome. Weight loss? Down 5.3 Interviewed for a part time job, it was GLORIOUS! Completely clicked with the panel. It was supposed to be “a quick 30 minute q & a”, but it was two hours long and filled with “we’re impressed with you” and laughter. Speaking of which, COMPLETELY finished my first ENTIRE stand-up set! I’ve read it multiple times and it’s a little over twenty minutes! I’m not even a little bit shy about it, it IS hilarious! Writing? All the time. Grad School? Still all A’S! Boy situation? Good, but I really don’t care at the moment. (that’s not supposed to come across as ungrateful or rude) This is my year. I can feel it. I know with everything in my heart, that this year is going to be like starting a new life. This year, everything changes!
In this infinite universe, I like certain uncertainties. I like imagining other life forms on distant planets. I’m excited by the thought of what happens to our souls after we leave earth. Then, more than anything, I like knowing that quirky ideas and creativity is constantly keeping us entertained. Sometimes, as I try to guess how old someone is based on their haircut when I should be half-engaged in our predictable conversation about the heat or when I’m not fully focused at work, because I imagine what historical icons current day twitter feeds would look like, I stumble upon this…. a coloring book dedicated to Bill Murray. I’m swooning with sheer happiness. I love this. My heart is happy.
I know this is old. I’ve seen it a million times, but it’s still hysterical. I love Tig Notaro.